we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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