Soap is not a condiment
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
