I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
