cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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