and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
