Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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