If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
