You're so nebulous sometimes
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
