No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
