I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Farmville is her only friend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
