I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
