eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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