So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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