the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
