Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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