In the future we'll all be gay
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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