apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
