I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You are a genius and a whore.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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