Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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