I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
