ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
