I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
