I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
