I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
