I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
