i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
