the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
