i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
