I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
