so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
