I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize