JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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