i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
