Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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