Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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