I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
