Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
