Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
