All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
