apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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