I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
