Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
