why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
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