he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
