Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
