Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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