hotel room ftw
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
