Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
