Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
