Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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