my phone needs a breathalizer
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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