Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
