My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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