The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
