Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
