This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
