it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
