So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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