no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
