I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
